Yes where have all the gifted gone - long time passing….
As those gifted children have grown up – what happened to us? Maybe we were identified, enriched, supported, accelerated and maybe not. How many of us received guidance to develop our gifts and to make career / life choices? That varies also depending on our family, school, and community experiences. Our giftedness and difference is something we know. It is also a critical part of us that is a constant internal nudge to be expressed and experienced. Studies show that consistent expression and experiencing of our gifts happens to only a portion of us – yes the young women and men make different choices and do not utilize their gift(s) or do so in sporadic limited fashion. This is more common with young women because of the mixed messages they receive and choices they make regarding career and family. Young men are provided the message to be achievement oriented and family is less of a factor in the career decision making process. Yes, still today, our culture continues to give that message. We also do not express the gifts because of being different and not knowing how to understand or develop the gifts. We bury or deny them. Where have all the gifted gone?
As I progressed through high school, taking advanced and college courses, preparing for college, I received encouragement and there was the expectation I would go to college. I was making decisions about careers. I had dreams. I do not remember having discussions with anyone about understanding more about me (values, interests) and my gifts to make career choices. I do not recall any guidance counseling then having the required courses to graduate and the classes that had earned college credit. At college the advising I received was to make sure I completed the required courses for my declared major of sociology. Now simultaneously I was proceeding with pre-med, working toward a microbiology degree (did not complete – lacked six hours in organic chemistry), and minoring in non-verbal communication. And my decision was to graduate in 3 ½ years – yes early from college.
It was time for a different kind of adventure. I cooked at a dude ranch – a family first generation from England – souffles, leg of lamb, Yorkshire pudding (had not done those menus before, but knew I could do it and it was an adventure).
I did move on into a professional career – counseling. Medical school did not happen – contributing factors, timing, non-science undergraduate degree, dumbing down – thus not excelling on MCAT’s, and life choices to explore other options. I started in the prison system as a counselor – all male maximum security institution as a young female at age of 22. Oh yes, that is definitely an adventure. I had some significant achievements at this first professional position – I facilitated, lead, organized several major events within the walls of the penitentiary the two years I was there - a Pow Wow within the walls – over 100 visiting Native Americans; a basket ball tournament inside the walls with teams visiting from various reservations and communities; a full fledged theatrical performance by the inmates for their families. During all of these events there were NO critical incidents. That is a key accomplishment in a penitentiary setting. I had established trust and respect among the men that were serving time (quite exceptional as a young female). Also, I had the respect and support of the Prison authorities (the only way to gain permission to make these events happen). Then it was time to return to school. (PS – additional life decisions are going on at this time. I have a gentleman in my life. I am weighing decisions regarding relationship and career. At this point they were not exclusive so proceeded with both.)
I was making choices for graduate work. Medical School had been basically ruled out for me. The characteristics I had learned were to not upset the status quo, and choose your battles. And I was totally content to look at other options and adventures. My commitment was to further developing myself and my options, but I did not really have a specific direction or outside guidance. I was going to be in the helping field – that was what I enjoyed, and was an unspoken expectation, in some ways (the oldest of seven siblings contributed). So I looked at a Master’s in Social Work and a Master’s in Rehabilitation Counseling. Ok, hindsight adds lots of clarity – with current knowledge the MSW would have provided more options. I completed my Masters in Rehab because at that time the Federal government wanted / needed vocational rehabilitation counselors. Soooooo, they had grants that paid tuition, fee, books and a living stipend. I was putting myself through school so I took the avenue that was paid for. I also, had another reason, factor – I had relative experience – a brother with Cerebral Palsy.
Now at the same time the relationship was entering the decision making process more prominently. There were wedding plans. And those plans were off a little – got married the weekend between the two weeks for midterms of second semester of Masters. Probably would not been nearly as hectic, but I was making my wedding gown, my fiancée’s wedding suit, and all the silk flower arrangements for the bride and bride’s maids. Yes a little hectic. We had been living in different cities/states during my schooling. I had to make the decision of where to do the internship – degree in rehabilitation counseling – headed to a rural area – limited options – ok, Mental Health Center.
These are examples of decision making by default. There is some conscious decision making going on, but the critical factors are outside influences and not internal choices. We all experience times like this throughout our lives. A foundation of guidance and greater understanding of making choices may result in different decisions. You do not know with that piece of the puzzle missing.
Now I am married. I have graduated from the Master’s program. We decide to stay in the rural area for awhile. I take a job at the Mental Health Center. Six months later we decide to begin a move process – closer to my family and a larger city. I move first to look for work, while my husband holds his job to keep a steady cash flow. We make the move. I do some odd jobs initially and then take a position with a private rehabilitation company. We buy a home and settle in for a while. I am developing my skills and career with the company. I look at how to manage the upward climb within the company. I decide to pursue some additional education. However, after the Master’s program – having the experience that some of the professors are teaching with never having been out in the real world of work – I decide to go the non-traditional route and do a Master’s in Business Administration and a Doctorate in Rehabilitation Counseling.
Now things get a little interesting. We had been discussing having a child, thought it was about time (female biological clock is ticking). Then decide we will wait awhile. Pay for the two degrees program and “wah lah” mother nature has taken her course and I am pregnant. I begin some studies; continue working full time with the private rehab company – in different roles within the company. My first son is born. We get the idea to move. I submit applications to transfer within the company. We move across country. Now I have a new baby, a new job (promotion-branch manager of a new branch), and still have two degrees to complete. Well I manage the experience, completing both degrees. The additional dynamic is my husband is not at all comfortable with child care, parenting. Thus as management options and responsibilities continue in the job, family needs must be met. I value family and parenting. I am torn – my dedication to excelling at the job and family is providing a challenge. My husband is also having difficulties with SAD. Laws change and the business needs change within the company. I am offered further promotions and opportunities, but these are in conflict with family demands. Choices. I choose family. I put in for a transfer back closer to both families and less responsibilities on the job. We establish ourselves within the community and new home. We decide (or I decide) on a second child – two sons. I am dedicated to my children. There is frustration within the family dynamics and within the job.
I stay with the company for 10 years, various positions, but limiting those based on family needs. My second career is really my sons. I am active in their lives. I am an advocate for them and their giftedness. I am involved with them in school and extracurricular activities. I change to private practice and thus an even more flexible schedule. I coach different academic teams. I am an active Scout Leader. I am a bowling coach and youth league coordinator. I set up learning experiences for my sons in the real world – nature, science, business –whatever it is they want to explore at the moment. I help develop and lead the Cub Scout Day Camp for 100 boys (including mine) for about 10 years. I develop and expand the youth bowling league to include a traveling league competition throughout the rural region we live in. Yes talents and gifts are at work in all these areas. I can see big pictures and I make them happen. I guided my sons and their initial journey to develop their giftedness. The key factor being I helped them learn how to identify their giftedness, their values, and to consciously look, discover, explore and to decide directions for their journey –career, family, and personal development.
I see a need in private practice to offer some alternatives to pain management. People are not managing the pain in their lives (emotional and physical). They are getting stuck in the pain cycles. My job of assisting them in returning to work is impacted by this cycle. I am off to explore alternatives. I look at different training options to expand my knowledge base to assist my clients. Ahhhh, but the family comes first so it has to be training I can do without disrupting my involvement with my sons and my responsibility as the primary parent. Rule out acupuncturist and physician assistant (see a trend here???). I develop skills and knowledge as a acupressurist – specifically Jin Shin. I continue my learning with various forms of complementary medicine. I am the key person in forming a group that develops and establishes the Academy of Healing Arts, a state accredited vocational school (in operation for 8 years –it’s demise is whole other story). I expand my private practice to incorporate the counseling and the complementary modalities into a pain management program working with local Rehabilitation and Physical Medicine physicians. I prepare to do a study to determine the effectiveness of the program I have developed. My sister is a research monitoring nurse. We are doing the study development to access grant monies. Several stumbling blocks emerge – small private entities have a very difficult time meeting federal requirements for studies involving people; family demands; and loose my sister to cancer. So the study protocol is established and is practiced, but no study is completed. There are achievements during this period. I start the Whole Life Network Health Fair, bringing allopathic and complementary medicine together to increase the knowledge of the public. It continues to be key in the local communities for 15 years.
In the meantime, family dynamics demand, I get a “real” job. I experience various venues – Social Service Director for a Rehab and Long Term Care facility and Clinical Director for Alternative Youth Adventures (succeed in establishing it as a state Residential Treatment facility versus a Residential Child Care Facility). I go through a divorce and have custody of my teen age sons. Decisions remain family dominated. I return to private practice for several years. Then college expenses for my sons are key factor, and I take a state position for the consistency of income. Being in a system always feels very confining. The attempts to make and impact and changes are limited. The ingrained message of choose your battles comes through again and again. Asking myself where do I want to spend my energy and effort? Will my ideas really make a difference?
Accomplish the goal of both sons are through college. Now what for me? Through all these years self-exploration has been a passion. I have learned and developed tools for myself and for others to develop and demonstrate their potential. A lot of my career choices were made by default – what was available, resources, family demands. My interests, talents, and values shaped even those decisions. Single focused career path with achievement did not happen. Am I one of the missing gifted? I am now making a conscious choice to further define my giftedness and what contribution I want to make with my gifts, talents, experience and knowledge. My purpose is to discover more of my giftedness and to share my journey with others to provide information, resources, and options for each gifted person to make conscious choices regarding their talents, versus decisions by default. Here’s to the acknowledgment, development, experience, and expression of giftedness.
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