Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Too Smart For Your Own Good!
How often have you heard you are too smart for your own good? And that comes right on the tale of you are oh so smart, look at all you know. Yep, mixed messages. At one point you are admired and respected for your knowledge, genius, creativity and the next moment you are ridiculed and rejected because you are too smart and showing off. Which is it?
This is a constant dilemma for those who are gifted. You see solutions to problems. You get the answers by a leap from point A to point B not by doing steps. You see patterns that make things fit together and wonder why everyone else cannot see what is there. You get very excited about what you have figured out, what the puzzle is, what the different aspects of the question are. You want to discuss, share, and explore the subject or problem to the nth degree. You want to create the story, the melody, the picture, or the dance you can see and feel. Then you either get support and encouragement or you are told to be quiet or frowned at for disturbing the meeting.
So what do you do? That depends on your experiences to date and your personality. You can shrink away and hide as much as possible, you can dumb down your responses to fit in, you can be confident and express your gift with respect or disdain, you can lead or you can follow. You may also vacillate among a variety of responses depending on the setting and where you are at, at that moment.
I know over the years I have experienced each scenario and responded with all the above options. I have strutted to the front of the room and been delighted to teach my fellow sixth grade classmates math for the day. I have been the only girl as a 10th grader in the junior physics class and ridiculed for knowing the answers and receiving smart remarks that I might as well fill out their homework/test papers also. Being elected student board president of a campus organization and shrinking away from my responsibilities. I lead a group of 50 different people to establish a specialized credentialed vocational school that was a significant contribution to the community and the field. Successful in developing and establishing the requirement of an at-risk youth program transition from a child care facility to a treatment facility. I have attempted to provide program changes that were rejected because “we have done things this way forever” or “that is too much change and won’t work” and changing to just doing my job.
The key is feeling comfortable with myself, my gifts, and my abilities. Another contributing factor is in the presentation of the ideas, concepts, or solutions so that, others can accept, respect, be part of the process, and contribute to the results. You can also be selective in the format that you utilize your “smarts”; choosing a field or venue that allows you to produce alone and that put it out there for the world to accept or not. The field can be one that you are to work alone with a specific dedicated “problem” to solve and with a solution comes recognition.
What else is important is being true to yourself and your gifts. Honor your needs and potential. Knowing your own gifts, talents, and what you can create is also a responsibility. The responsibility provides meaning and purpose to your life. Figure out how to express your gifts for your own joy and / or the benefit of your community.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
The story of my Aha Moment and Being Gifted
My Aha Moment came when I understood the best way for me to pursue my passion of enabling people to be their best and that they are not lost, was by telling my story. I have multiple degrees, had multiple jobs, and have done things well. Something was still missing.
For the most part our society requires you be an expert, and the means having the correct credentials to share your expertise. I have assisted people throughout my life in finding out “how to” for whatever they needed to know or wanted to do. However, to get into the “educational” setting you need different letter after you name than I have. And I have an extensive alphabet soup.
I attended a Write Speak retreat with Barbara Sher. I worked on my message and who needed to have that information. The next step was figuring out how to get the information out to those people. That is when the AHA came – I did not need any other letters after my name – I AM an Expert on My OWN Story and that includes the confusion, the pain, the solutions and the results.
I am focused on the gifted/talented people that have been lost – within the system, assumed they can do it all on their own, withdrew, doing ok- and yet feel lost. I have been there, done that. I have experienced and developed tools to get beyond the lostness and be able to enjoy the adventure. So many new ideas, inventions, expressions of genius are being missed because of the lack of support, guidance, direction, -- and yes, discouragement and misunderstanding of individuals (youth and adults) with high potential.
Kids (for me especially teens) are given information to pursue college – you can do well – and then nothing else. Adults, college grads or not, get out in life and jobs. They feel frustration or merely accept situations and do not respect themselves to pursue their abilities or passions. In a great many situations they are not respected for those gifts and doors are slammed, so they think, “why bother?”
I want to share my story and give options to those that are not experiencing their gifts. Yes, in a broader sense, and where my work has been focused for many years, everyone has something special to develop and share with the world. I still hold true to that belief. However, for the next section of my life journey I am focusing on gifted/talented teens and adults. I am writing a book. I am blogging. I am networking and sharing with those that are advocates – experts for the gifted and talented. I am not doing a study. I am telling My Gifted Journey and providing tools to gain better understanding, clarify one’s gifts, develop those talents, and express them for yourself and for the world (small or global). Many challenges that are being faced right now in the world have answers – many have already been though of but not expressed or accepted. I want to see those solutions, expression of these gifts developed, made known and utilized to further better all our lives here and now.
Why do I use an owl and a robe? The wizard – science, magic, existential connection with all. These are symbols I have used through-out my journey. You have to get people’s attention, especially youth. You have to get them out of the walls, filters, they have placed themselves within to explore something new – inner and external journeys – the adventure of life to experience who they are and who they can be. The Aha experience more consistently or being in the FLOW!!
Listen to my Aha Moment: http://www.ahamoment.com/pg/moments/view/17016
For the most part our society requires you be an expert, and the means having the correct credentials to share your expertise. I have assisted people throughout my life in finding out “how to” for whatever they needed to know or wanted to do. However, to get into the “educational” setting you need different letter after you name than I have. And I have an extensive alphabet soup.
I attended a Write Speak retreat with Barbara Sher. I worked on my message and who needed to have that information. The next step was figuring out how to get the information out to those people. That is when the AHA came – I did not need any other letters after my name – I AM an Expert on My OWN Story and that includes the confusion, the pain, the solutions and the results.
I am focused on the gifted/talented people that have been lost – within the system, assumed they can do it all on their own, withdrew, doing ok- and yet feel lost. I have been there, done that. I have experienced and developed tools to get beyond the lostness and be able to enjoy the adventure. So many new ideas, inventions, expressions of genius are being missed because of the lack of support, guidance, direction, -- and yes, discouragement and misunderstanding of individuals (youth and adults) with high potential.
Kids (for me especially teens) are given information to pursue college – you can do well – and then nothing else. Adults, college grads or not, get out in life and jobs. They feel frustration or merely accept situations and do not respect themselves to pursue their abilities or passions. In a great many situations they are not respected for those gifts and doors are slammed, so they think, “why bother?”
I want to share my story and give options to those that are not experiencing their gifts. Yes, in a broader sense, and where my work has been focused for many years, everyone has something special to develop and share with the world. I still hold true to that belief. However, for the next section of my life journey I am focusing on gifted/talented teens and adults. I am writing a book. I am blogging. I am networking and sharing with those that are advocates – experts for the gifted and talented. I am not doing a study. I am telling My Gifted Journey and providing tools to gain better understanding, clarify one’s gifts, develop those talents, and express them for yourself and for the world (small or global). Many challenges that are being faced right now in the world have answers – many have already been though of but not expressed or accepted. I want to see those solutions, expression of these gifts developed, made known and utilized to further better all our lives here and now.
Why do I use an owl and a robe? The wizard – science, magic, existential connection with all. These are symbols I have used through-out my journey. You have to get people’s attention, especially youth. You have to get them out of the walls, filters, they have placed themselves within to explore something new – inner and external journeys – the adventure of life to experience who they are and who they can be. The Aha experience more consistently or being in the FLOW!!
Listen to my Aha Moment: http://www.ahamoment.com/pg/moments/view/17016
Where Have All The Flowers Gone? Where Have All the Gifted Gone?
Yes where have all the gifted gone - long time passing….
As those gifted children have grown up – what happened to us? Maybe we were identified, enriched, supported, accelerated and maybe not. How many of us received guidance to develop our gifts and to make career / life choices? That varies also depending on our family, school, and community experiences. Our giftedness and difference is something we know. It is also a critical part of us that is a constant internal nudge to be expressed and experienced. Studies show that consistent expression and experiencing of our gifts happens to only a portion of us – yes the young women and men make different choices and do not utilize their gift(s) or do so in sporadic limited fashion. This is more common with young women because of the mixed messages they receive and choices they make regarding career and family. Young men are provided the message to be achievement oriented and family is less of a factor in the career decision making process. Yes, still today, our culture continues to give that message. We also do not express the gifts because of being different and not knowing how to understand or develop the gifts. We bury or deny them. Where have all the gifted gone?
As I progressed through high school, taking advanced and college courses, preparing for college, I received encouragement and there was the expectation I would go to college. I was making decisions about careers. I had dreams. I do not remember having discussions with anyone about understanding more about me (values, interests) and my gifts to make career choices. I do not recall any guidance counseling then having the required courses to graduate and the classes that had earned college credit. At college the advising I received was to make sure I completed the required courses for my declared major of sociology. Now simultaneously I was proceeding with pre-med, working toward a microbiology degree (did not complete – lacked six hours in organic chemistry), and minoring in non-verbal communication. And my decision was to graduate in 3 ½ years – yes early from college.
It was time for a different kind of adventure. I cooked at a dude ranch – a family first generation from England – souffles, leg of lamb, Yorkshire pudding (had not done those menus before, but knew I could do it and it was an adventure).
I did move on into a professional career – counseling. Medical school did not happen – contributing factors, timing, non-science undergraduate degree, dumbing down – thus not excelling on MCAT’s, and life choices to explore other options. I started in the prison system as a counselor – all male maximum security institution as a young female at age of 22. Oh yes, that is definitely an adventure. I had some significant achievements at this first professional position – I facilitated, lead, organized several major events within the walls of the penitentiary the two years I was there - a Pow Wow within the walls – over 100 visiting Native Americans; a basket ball tournament inside the walls with teams visiting from various reservations and communities; a full fledged theatrical performance by the inmates for their families. During all of these events there were NO critical incidents. That is a key accomplishment in a penitentiary setting. I had established trust and respect among the men that were serving time (quite exceptional as a young female). Also, I had the respect and support of the Prison authorities (the only way to gain permission to make these events happen). Then it was time to return to school. (PS – additional life decisions are going on at this time. I have a gentleman in my life. I am weighing decisions regarding relationship and career. At this point they were not exclusive so proceeded with both.)
I was making choices for graduate work. Medical School had been basically ruled out for me. The characteristics I had learned were to not upset the status quo, and choose your battles. And I was totally content to look at other options and adventures. My commitment was to further developing myself and my options, but I did not really have a specific direction or outside guidance. I was going to be in the helping field – that was what I enjoyed, and was an unspoken expectation, in some ways (the oldest of seven siblings contributed). So I looked at a Master’s in Social Work and a Master’s in Rehabilitation Counseling. Ok, hindsight adds lots of clarity – with current knowledge the MSW would have provided more options. I completed my Masters in Rehab because at that time the Federal government wanted / needed vocational rehabilitation counselors. Soooooo, they had grants that paid tuition, fee, books and a living stipend. I was putting myself through school so I took the avenue that was paid for. I also, had another reason, factor – I had relative experience – a brother with Cerebral Palsy.
Now at the same time the relationship was entering the decision making process more prominently. There were wedding plans. And those plans were off a little – got married the weekend between the two weeks for midterms of second semester of Masters. Probably would not been nearly as hectic, but I was making my wedding gown, my fiancée’s wedding suit, and all the silk flower arrangements for the bride and bride’s maids. Yes a little hectic. We had been living in different cities/states during my schooling. I had to make the decision of where to do the internship – degree in rehabilitation counseling – headed to a rural area – limited options – ok, Mental Health Center.
These are examples of decision making by default. There is some conscious decision making going on, but the critical factors are outside influences and not internal choices. We all experience times like this throughout our lives. A foundation of guidance and greater understanding of making choices may result in different decisions. You do not know with that piece of the puzzle missing.
Now I am married. I have graduated from the Master’s program. We decide to stay in the rural area for awhile. I take a job at the Mental Health Center. Six months later we decide to begin a move process – closer to my family and a larger city. I move first to look for work, while my husband holds his job to keep a steady cash flow. We make the move. I do some odd jobs initially and then take a position with a private rehabilitation company. We buy a home and settle in for a while. I am developing my skills and career with the company. I look at how to manage the upward climb within the company. I decide to pursue some additional education. However, after the Master’s program – having the experience that some of the professors are teaching with never having been out in the real world of work – I decide to go the non-traditional route and do a Master’s in Business Administration and a Doctorate in Rehabilitation Counseling.
Now things get a little interesting. We had been discussing having a child, thought it was about time (female biological clock is ticking). Then decide we will wait awhile. Pay for the two degrees program and “wah lah” mother nature has taken her course and I am pregnant. I begin some studies; continue working full time with the private rehab company – in different roles within the company. My first son is born. We get the idea to move. I submit applications to transfer within the company. We move across country. Now I have a new baby, a new job (promotion-branch manager of a new branch), and still have two degrees to complete. Well I manage the experience, completing both degrees. The additional dynamic is my husband is not at all comfortable with child care, parenting. Thus as management options and responsibilities continue in the job, family needs must be met. I value family and parenting. I am torn – my dedication to excelling at the job and family is providing a challenge. My husband is also having difficulties with SAD. Laws change and the business needs change within the company. I am offered further promotions and opportunities, but these are in conflict with family demands. Choices. I choose family. I put in for a transfer back closer to both families and less responsibilities on the job. We establish ourselves within the community and new home. We decide (or I decide) on a second child – two sons. I am dedicated to my children. There is frustration within the family dynamics and within the job.
I stay with the company for 10 years, various positions, but limiting those based on family needs. My second career is really my sons. I am active in their lives. I am an advocate for them and their giftedness. I am involved with them in school and extracurricular activities. I change to private practice and thus an even more flexible schedule. I coach different academic teams. I am an active Scout Leader. I am a bowling coach and youth league coordinator. I set up learning experiences for my sons in the real world – nature, science, business –whatever it is they want to explore at the moment. I help develop and lead the Cub Scout Day Camp for 100 boys (including mine) for about 10 years. I develop and expand the youth bowling league to include a traveling league competition throughout the rural region we live in. Yes talents and gifts are at work in all these areas. I can see big pictures and I make them happen. I guided my sons and their initial journey to develop their giftedness. The key factor being I helped them learn how to identify their giftedness, their values, and to consciously look, discover, explore and to decide directions for their journey –career, family, and personal development.
I see a need in private practice to offer some alternatives to pain management. People are not managing the pain in their lives (emotional and physical). They are getting stuck in the pain cycles. My job of assisting them in returning to work is impacted by this cycle. I am off to explore alternatives. I look at different training options to expand my knowledge base to assist my clients. Ahhhh, but the family comes first so it has to be training I can do without disrupting my involvement with my sons and my responsibility as the primary parent. Rule out acupuncturist and physician assistant (see a trend here???). I develop skills and knowledge as a acupressurist – specifically Jin Shin. I continue my learning with various forms of complementary medicine. I am the key person in forming a group that develops and establishes the Academy of Healing Arts, a state accredited vocational school (in operation for 8 years –it’s demise is whole other story). I expand my private practice to incorporate the counseling and the complementary modalities into a pain management program working with local Rehabilitation and Physical Medicine physicians. I prepare to do a study to determine the effectiveness of the program I have developed. My sister is a research monitoring nurse. We are doing the study development to access grant monies. Several stumbling blocks emerge – small private entities have a very difficult time meeting federal requirements for studies involving people; family demands; and loose my sister to cancer. So the study protocol is established and is practiced, but no study is completed. There are achievements during this period. I start the Whole Life Network Health Fair, bringing allopathic and complementary medicine together to increase the knowledge of the public. It continues to be key in the local communities for 15 years.
In the meantime, family dynamics demand, I get a “real” job. I experience various venues – Social Service Director for a Rehab and Long Term Care facility and Clinical Director for Alternative Youth Adventures (succeed in establishing it as a state Residential Treatment facility versus a Residential Child Care Facility). I go through a divorce and have custody of my teen age sons. Decisions remain family dominated. I return to private practice for several years. Then college expenses for my sons are key factor, and I take a state position for the consistency of income. Being in a system always feels very confining. The attempts to make and impact and changes are limited. The ingrained message of choose your battles comes through again and again. Asking myself where do I want to spend my energy and effort? Will my ideas really make a difference?
Accomplish the goal of both sons are through college. Now what for me? Through all these years self-exploration has been a passion. I have learned and developed tools for myself and for others to develop and demonstrate their potential. A lot of my career choices were made by default – what was available, resources, family demands. My interests, talents, and values shaped even those decisions. Single focused career path with achievement did not happen. Am I one of the missing gifted? I am now making a conscious choice to further define my giftedness and what contribution I want to make with my gifts, talents, experience and knowledge. My purpose is to discover more of my giftedness and to share my journey with others to provide information, resources, and options for each gifted person to make conscious choices regarding their talents, versus decisions by default. Here’s to the acknowledgment, development, experience, and expression of giftedness.
As those gifted children have grown up – what happened to us? Maybe we were identified, enriched, supported, accelerated and maybe not. How many of us received guidance to develop our gifts and to make career / life choices? That varies also depending on our family, school, and community experiences. Our giftedness and difference is something we know. It is also a critical part of us that is a constant internal nudge to be expressed and experienced. Studies show that consistent expression and experiencing of our gifts happens to only a portion of us – yes the young women and men make different choices and do not utilize their gift(s) or do so in sporadic limited fashion. This is more common with young women because of the mixed messages they receive and choices they make regarding career and family. Young men are provided the message to be achievement oriented and family is less of a factor in the career decision making process. Yes, still today, our culture continues to give that message. We also do not express the gifts because of being different and not knowing how to understand or develop the gifts. We bury or deny them. Where have all the gifted gone?
As I progressed through high school, taking advanced and college courses, preparing for college, I received encouragement and there was the expectation I would go to college. I was making decisions about careers. I had dreams. I do not remember having discussions with anyone about understanding more about me (values, interests) and my gifts to make career choices. I do not recall any guidance counseling then having the required courses to graduate and the classes that had earned college credit. At college the advising I received was to make sure I completed the required courses for my declared major of sociology. Now simultaneously I was proceeding with pre-med, working toward a microbiology degree (did not complete – lacked six hours in organic chemistry), and minoring in non-verbal communication. And my decision was to graduate in 3 ½ years – yes early from college.
It was time for a different kind of adventure. I cooked at a dude ranch – a family first generation from England – souffles, leg of lamb, Yorkshire pudding (had not done those menus before, but knew I could do it and it was an adventure).
I did move on into a professional career – counseling. Medical school did not happen – contributing factors, timing, non-science undergraduate degree, dumbing down – thus not excelling on MCAT’s, and life choices to explore other options. I started in the prison system as a counselor – all male maximum security institution as a young female at age of 22. Oh yes, that is definitely an adventure. I had some significant achievements at this first professional position – I facilitated, lead, organized several major events within the walls of the penitentiary the two years I was there - a Pow Wow within the walls – over 100 visiting Native Americans; a basket ball tournament inside the walls with teams visiting from various reservations and communities; a full fledged theatrical performance by the inmates for their families. During all of these events there were NO critical incidents. That is a key accomplishment in a penitentiary setting. I had established trust and respect among the men that were serving time (quite exceptional as a young female). Also, I had the respect and support of the Prison authorities (the only way to gain permission to make these events happen). Then it was time to return to school. (PS – additional life decisions are going on at this time. I have a gentleman in my life. I am weighing decisions regarding relationship and career. At this point they were not exclusive so proceeded with both.)
I was making choices for graduate work. Medical School had been basically ruled out for me. The characteristics I had learned were to not upset the status quo, and choose your battles. And I was totally content to look at other options and adventures. My commitment was to further developing myself and my options, but I did not really have a specific direction or outside guidance. I was going to be in the helping field – that was what I enjoyed, and was an unspoken expectation, in some ways (the oldest of seven siblings contributed). So I looked at a Master’s in Social Work and a Master’s in Rehabilitation Counseling. Ok, hindsight adds lots of clarity – with current knowledge the MSW would have provided more options. I completed my Masters in Rehab because at that time the Federal government wanted / needed vocational rehabilitation counselors. Soooooo, they had grants that paid tuition, fee, books and a living stipend. I was putting myself through school so I took the avenue that was paid for. I also, had another reason, factor – I had relative experience – a brother with Cerebral Palsy.
Now at the same time the relationship was entering the decision making process more prominently. There were wedding plans. And those plans were off a little – got married the weekend between the two weeks for midterms of second semester of Masters. Probably would not been nearly as hectic, but I was making my wedding gown, my fiancée’s wedding suit, and all the silk flower arrangements for the bride and bride’s maids. Yes a little hectic. We had been living in different cities/states during my schooling. I had to make the decision of where to do the internship – degree in rehabilitation counseling – headed to a rural area – limited options – ok, Mental Health Center.
These are examples of decision making by default. There is some conscious decision making going on, but the critical factors are outside influences and not internal choices. We all experience times like this throughout our lives. A foundation of guidance and greater understanding of making choices may result in different decisions. You do not know with that piece of the puzzle missing.
Now I am married. I have graduated from the Master’s program. We decide to stay in the rural area for awhile. I take a job at the Mental Health Center. Six months later we decide to begin a move process – closer to my family and a larger city. I move first to look for work, while my husband holds his job to keep a steady cash flow. We make the move. I do some odd jobs initially and then take a position with a private rehabilitation company. We buy a home and settle in for a while. I am developing my skills and career with the company. I look at how to manage the upward climb within the company. I decide to pursue some additional education. However, after the Master’s program – having the experience that some of the professors are teaching with never having been out in the real world of work – I decide to go the non-traditional route and do a Master’s in Business Administration and a Doctorate in Rehabilitation Counseling.
Now things get a little interesting. We had been discussing having a child, thought it was about time (female biological clock is ticking). Then decide we will wait awhile. Pay for the two degrees program and “wah lah” mother nature has taken her course and I am pregnant. I begin some studies; continue working full time with the private rehab company – in different roles within the company. My first son is born. We get the idea to move. I submit applications to transfer within the company. We move across country. Now I have a new baby, a new job (promotion-branch manager of a new branch), and still have two degrees to complete. Well I manage the experience, completing both degrees. The additional dynamic is my husband is not at all comfortable with child care, parenting. Thus as management options and responsibilities continue in the job, family needs must be met. I value family and parenting. I am torn – my dedication to excelling at the job and family is providing a challenge. My husband is also having difficulties with SAD. Laws change and the business needs change within the company. I am offered further promotions and opportunities, but these are in conflict with family demands. Choices. I choose family. I put in for a transfer back closer to both families and less responsibilities on the job. We establish ourselves within the community and new home. We decide (or I decide) on a second child – two sons. I am dedicated to my children. There is frustration within the family dynamics and within the job.
I stay with the company for 10 years, various positions, but limiting those based on family needs. My second career is really my sons. I am active in their lives. I am an advocate for them and their giftedness. I am involved with them in school and extracurricular activities. I change to private practice and thus an even more flexible schedule. I coach different academic teams. I am an active Scout Leader. I am a bowling coach and youth league coordinator. I set up learning experiences for my sons in the real world – nature, science, business –whatever it is they want to explore at the moment. I help develop and lead the Cub Scout Day Camp for 100 boys (including mine) for about 10 years. I develop and expand the youth bowling league to include a traveling league competition throughout the rural region we live in. Yes talents and gifts are at work in all these areas. I can see big pictures and I make them happen. I guided my sons and their initial journey to develop their giftedness. The key factor being I helped them learn how to identify their giftedness, their values, and to consciously look, discover, explore and to decide directions for their journey –career, family, and personal development.
I see a need in private practice to offer some alternatives to pain management. People are not managing the pain in their lives (emotional and physical). They are getting stuck in the pain cycles. My job of assisting them in returning to work is impacted by this cycle. I am off to explore alternatives. I look at different training options to expand my knowledge base to assist my clients. Ahhhh, but the family comes first so it has to be training I can do without disrupting my involvement with my sons and my responsibility as the primary parent. Rule out acupuncturist and physician assistant (see a trend here???). I develop skills and knowledge as a acupressurist – specifically Jin Shin. I continue my learning with various forms of complementary medicine. I am the key person in forming a group that develops and establishes the Academy of Healing Arts, a state accredited vocational school (in operation for 8 years –it’s demise is whole other story). I expand my private practice to incorporate the counseling and the complementary modalities into a pain management program working with local Rehabilitation and Physical Medicine physicians. I prepare to do a study to determine the effectiveness of the program I have developed. My sister is a research monitoring nurse. We are doing the study development to access grant monies. Several stumbling blocks emerge – small private entities have a very difficult time meeting federal requirements for studies involving people; family demands; and loose my sister to cancer. So the study protocol is established and is practiced, but no study is completed. There are achievements during this period. I start the Whole Life Network Health Fair, bringing allopathic and complementary medicine together to increase the knowledge of the public. It continues to be key in the local communities for 15 years.
In the meantime, family dynamics demand, I get a “real” job. I experience various venues – Social Service Director for a Rehab and Long Term Care facility and Clinical Director for Alternative Youth Adventures (succeed in establishing it as a state Residential Treatment facility versus a Residential Child Care Facility). I go through a divorce and have custody of my teen age sons. Decisions remain family dominated. I return to private practice for several years. Then college expenses for my sons are key factor, and I take a state position for the consistency of income. Being in a system always feels very confining. The attempts to make and impact and changes are limited. The ingrained message of choose your battles comes through again and again. Asking myself where do I want to spend my energy and effort? Will my ideas really make a difference?
Accomplish the goal of both sons are through college. Now what for me? Through all these years self-exploration has been a passion. I have learned and developed tools for myself and for others to develop and demonstrate their potential. A lot of my career choices were made by default – what was available, resources, family demands. My interests, talents, and values shaped even those decisions. Single focused career path with achievement did not happen. Am I one of the missing gifted? I am now making a conscious choice to further define my giftedness and what contribution I want to make with my gifts, talents, experience and knowledge. My purpose is to discover more of my giftedness and to share my journey with others to provide information, resources, and options for each gifted person to make conscious choices regarding their talents, versus decisions by default. Here’s to the acknowledgment, development, experience, and expression of giftedness.
Frustrations of Being Gifted
It is very frustrating not being able to be who I am, demonstrating who I am, and what I can be. Regularly feeling like you are being rejected, denied, frowned upon on within relationships and work is frustrating. The requirement to be a certain way to fit in and be accepted is devastating, frustrating, irritating and down right maddening. It pisses me off as an adolescent and as an adult. It causes me to modify my behaviors some, to try to gain acceptance and love. Yet it also makes me rebel and want to stand up and fight.
A lot of the rebel comes from my family background. We were taught to be the best we can be; not to accept limitations, but find out how to overcome them. So fight I did and do. My adjustments at times are trying to accommodate the limitations I am feeling. This means that being all that I could be has to be tempered. Standing out or being blatant has not and continues a great deal of the time not to work. The process of conformity has been well learned. This is not always a good thing.
Playing by someone else’s rules can be a benefit, but creates great limitations also in expressing my gifts and talents, In school I did not apply myself to the degree I could. I am sure part of my need to being accepted was contributed to by moving all the time and having to always start over with developing friends. That has been a major challenge for me for years and to this day.
My feistiness comes out then when people give in and do not present their talent. I fight that everyday for myself in almost every environment I find myself in. I cope with it by down playing my abilities or pointing out the lack of perfection I display by degrading myself some so as not to stand out. Put downs cause me to shut up. I have questions and process information, but if it angers someone I will shut up and not proceed with the discussion and then I will not present any further ideas. I will give up trying to be a team player and work independently so that I can do my best and try new and different things.
Excelling is something that is definitely ingrained in me. However, I have to balance that with being accepted. And that can be a treacherous route. The desire is to be accepted by peers, colleagues, authorities, etc. I want to soar, but feel my wings are clipped at times. I want to make things happen and beat my head against a brick wall fairly often. Yet I know I am recognized, acknowledged and look to as a leader. Then comes the fear of not being good enough, of letting people down, being responsible to perform at a high level on a consistent basis. The double edge sword and the frustration of even experiencing those mixed feelings are very aggravating.
These experiences and feelings are what I do not want others to have to experience. I want them to know the joy of being who they are and soaring among the clouds and being recognized for their abilities and gifts. I want them to develop their potential to the fullest and not justify why they should not do so. I do want to protect them from some of the pain. I know pain is part of life lessons and experiences, but my nurturing and mothering nature comes out. I want to soar and I want to see others soar. I want them to own their potential and develop it. I want them not to provide excuse after excuse why they cannot soar. I want to keep from making excuses for myself and not feel that it is inappropriate to soar and soar and soar. I want to dance with joy and shout at the top of my lungs the exuberance in finding, discovering, exploring, strutting, excelling, being the best damn whatever it is I can or want to be and do. Yes I want to sing my song, my praises, toot my own horn for being damn good at what I can do and do it. I want others to do the same thing and feel good about it also. I don’t want others to take any guff from whomever, that they should not pursue the dreams and desires and stand out!!!! It is not arrogance, or it does not have to be, to be very proud of your own accomplishments and what you give of yourself. The world needs your gifts as much as you need to be able to express them. And yes I want the world to know what I can do and how I can help. I want each and every gifted person to develop and express their gifts to the fullest and not feel guilty about being good, damn good. Soar today, strut your gifts – a responsibility and a joy.
A lot of the rebel comes from my family background. We were taught to be the best we can be; not to accept limitations, but find out how to overcome them. So fight I did and do. My adjustments at times are trying to accommodate the limitations I am feeling. This means that being all that I could be has to be tempered. Standing out or being blatant has not and continues a great deal of the time not to work. The process of conformity has been well learned. This is not always a good thing.
Playing by someone else’s rules can be a benefit, but creates great limitations also in expressing my gifts and talents, In school I did not apply myself to the degree I could. I am sure part of my need to being accepted was contributed to by moving all the time and having to always start over with developing friends. That has been a major challenge for me for years and to this day.
My feistiness comes out then when people give in and do not present their talent. I fight that everyday for myself in almost every environment I find myself in. I cope with it by down playing my abilities or pointing out the lack of perfection I display by degrading myself some so as not to stand out. Put downs cause me to shut up. I have questions and process information, but if it angers someone I will shut up and not proceed with the discussion and then I will not present any further ideas. I will give up trying to be a team player and work independently so that I can do my best and try new and different things.
Excelling is something that is definitely ingrained in me. However, I have to balance that with being accepted. And that can be a treacherous route. The desire is to be accepted by peers, colleagues, authorities, etc. I want to soar, but feel my wings are clipped at times. I want to make things happen and beat my head against a brick wall fairly often. Yet I know I am recognized, acknowledged and look to as a leader. Then comes the fear of not being good enough, of letting people down, being responsible to perform at a high level on a consistent basis. The double edge sword and the frustration of even experiencing those mixed feelings are very aggravating.
These experiences and feelings are what I do not want others to have to experience. I want them to know the joy of being who they are and soaring among the clouds and being recognized for their abilities and gifts. I want them to develop their potential to the fullest and not justify why they should not do so. I do want to protect them from some of the pain. I know pain is part of life lessons and experiences, but my nurturing and mothering nature comes out. I want to soar and I want to see others soar. I want them to own their potential and develop it. I want them not to provide excuse after excuse why they cannot soar. I want to keep from making excuses for myself and not feel that it is inappropriate to soar and soar and soar. I want to dance with joy and shout at the top of my lungs the exuberance in finding, discovering, exploring, strutting, excelling, being the best damn whatever it is I can or want to be and do. Yes I want to sing my song, my praises, toot my own horn for being damn good at what I can do and do it. I want others to do the same thing and feel good about it also. I don’t want others to take any guff from whomever, that they should not pursue the dreams and desires and stand out!!!! It is not arrogance, or it does not have to be, to be very proud of your own accomplishments and what you give of yourself. The world needs your gifts as much as you need to be able to express them. And yes I want the world to know what I can do and how I can help. I want each and every gifted person to develop and express their gifts to the fullest and not feel guilty about being good, damn good. Soar today, strut your gifts – a responsibility and a joy.
Is Gifted a Four Letter Word?
Obviously not – G-I-F-T-E-D -- that is six letters. Yes, I can still count that high. However, it can be a dirty word.
My journey as a gifted adult and female, has lead to hiding the giftedness as I moved from school to school as an Army dependent. Oh, yes, I participated in accelerated classes or classes a grade level ahead of me (especially at the different high schools). I usually would relate it to the fact I had gone to different schools. In my case, there was no planning, or formal identification of being gifted because of attending so many schools (various states and countries).
So I did not hear the gifted label frequently applied to me. It was more you are so smart or you’re too smart for your own good. I knew I was different. I knew I did not think the same way most other people thought. I was a typical kid wanting to be accepted. However, the moving around was both a blessing and a curse. Each time I arrived at a new place I was starting fresh with making friends. I learned how to make friends quickly. The friends I made were not close friends, most of the time, as I anticipated the next move. In the early years the strategy worked well. I had a great time. I knew everyone and did lots of things. As I went from high school to high school, it was not as easy. I made friends. I, also, experienced more teasing, ridicule, and rejection for being an outsider, an Army dependent, and for being smart. I was successful in the different high schools. I participated in different clubs and after school activities. I made good grades (of course not too good). I stayed on the college track. I graduated with college credits.
I went to college. I had many interests. I had a goal of medical doctor. I completed all the pre-med classes. I lacked 6 hours of chemistry of having a micro-biology degree. I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in Sociology and minor in non-verbal communication. I was involved in the campus youth church, dancing (ballroom & popular), outdoor activities of camping, bicycling, snowshoeing, cross-country skiing. I tutored the engineering students. I graduated in 3 ½ years. It was college, I ran with my peers through grad students. I took the MCATs twice, did well, but not outstanding (good at dumbing down). I was told without the science degree I would not get into medical school.
What was next? I didn’t know. My plan was no longer in place. I decided to live in the big city for a while. I proceeded to get a job as a surgery scheduler for anesthesiologists. I always do a good job. However, that did not work so well for this job. I was quick, efficient and dedicated to doing the job well. The gal I was partnered with was next in line for supervisor of the unit. Guess what, I was let go within my 90 day probationary period, same day she became supervisor. Ah well, time for another adventure – various jobs, career opportunities, on to Master’s degree, and then two non-traditional degrees. There are successes along the way. However, there is repeat experiences of acceptance and rejection of my abilities, my potential solutions, and my concerns. There are frustrations for the limitations placed on expressing my talents. There are choices made, leaving me wondering what next?
Then comes the current track of the journey – finding out more about being gifted and saying loud and proud I am gifted. It was never about not knowing. I knew I was. I knew the father of my sons was (and he dodged it a great deal of the time – perforated ulcer at age 8). Both my sons are gifted. I have been a strong advocate for the boys to help them know, acknowledge and develop their gifts. My steps are to discover more of my giftedness and to share my journey with others to provide information, resources, options for each gifted person to make a conscious choice regarding their talents, versus decisions by default. Gifted does not have to be a dirty word.
My journey as a gifted adult and female, has lead to hiding the giftedness as I moved from school to school as an Army dependent. Oh, yes, I participated in accelerated classes or classes a grade level ahead of me (especially at the different high schools). I usually would relate it to the fact I had gone to different schools. In my case, there was no planning, or formal identification of being gifted because of attending so many schools (various states and countries).
So I did not hear the gifted label frequently applied to me. It was more you are so smart or you’re too smart for your own good. I knew I was different. I knew I did not think the same way most other people thought. I was a typical kid wanting to be accepted. However, the moving around was both a blessing and a curse. Each time I arrived at a new place I was starting fresh with making friends. I learned how to make friends quickly. The friends I made were not close friends, most of the time, as I anticipated the next move. In the early years the strategy worked well. I had a great time. I knew everyone and did lots of things. As I went from high school to high school, it was not as easy. I made friends. I, also, experienced more teasing, ridicule, and rejection for being an outsider, an Army dependent, and for being smart. I was successful in the different high schools. I participated in different clubs and after school activities. I made good grades (of course not too good). I stayed on the college track. I graduated with college credits.
I went to college. I had many interests. I had a goal of medical doctor. I completed all the pre-med classes. I lacked 6 hours of chemistry of having a micro-biology degree. I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in Sociology and minor in non-verbal communication. I was involved in the campus youth church, dancing (ballroom & popular), outdoor activities of camping, bicycling, snowshoeing, cross-country skiing. I tutored the engineering students. I graduated in 3 ½ years. It was college, I ran with my peers through grad students. I took the MCATs twice, did well, but not outstanding (good at dumbing down). I was told without the science degree I would not get into medical school.
What was next? I didn’t know. My plan was no longer in place. I decided to live in the big city for a while. I proceeded to get a job as a surgery scheduler for anesthesiologists. I always do a good job. However, that did not work so well for this job. I was quick, efficient and dedicated to doing the job well. The gal I was partnered with was next in line for supervisor of the unit. Guess what, I was let go within my 90 day probationary period, same day she became supervisor. Ah well, time for another adventure – various jobs, career opportunities, on to Master’s degree, and then two non-traditional degrees. There are successes along the way. However, there is repeat experiences of acceptance and rejection of my abilities, my potential solutions, and my concerns. There are frustrations for the limitations placed on expressing my talents. There are choices made, leaving me wondering what next?
Then comes the current track of the journey – finding out more about being gifted and saying loud and proud I am gifted. It was never about not knowing. I knew I was. I knew the father of my sons was (and he dodged it a great deal of the time – perforated ulcer at age 8). Both my sons are gifted. I have been a strong advocate for the boys to help them know, acknowledge and develop their gifts. My steps are to discover more of my giftedness and to share my journey with others to provide information, resources, options for each gifted person to make a conscious choice regarding their talents, versus decisions by default. Gifted does not have to be a dirty word.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Learning New Things - fun, not fun - depends.
As I have taken this journey and continue step by step, I am always learning new things. This is a passion of mine to learn new, different, more-- ideas, concepts, skills. To explore the know and the unknown. Take trips and see the world and the people. To open a book, watch a program, experience an event is all part of the adventure. And yet there are times, learning is not the issue - I can learn the new topic, skill. Then comes is there a desire to learn this skill, piece of knowledge. In my current situation to share my thoughts, my ideas, my experiences, my adventures, my successes, my failures, my wonderings and wanderings I need to learn more about the technology world and this is not my desire. Well it is my desire to accomplish my goal to talk with you. However, it is not my desire, interest, to actually know how to do all this virtual technical stuff. The next challenge is then to communicate my picture of the finished virtual product to someone that enjoys the tech details. That in and of itself is further developing of skills. This requires a clearer picture of what the vision in my mind is. Then comes in the dynamic of letting go of some of the control and trusting. My goodness what a journey and all I wanted was to get a better web site and blog up and running and connect with all my virtual hangouts? Well come travel with me and I will share this adventure and many others from the past, today, and tomorrow.
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